The 39-year-old mum behind the Instagram profile Solomum by choice DK always dreamt of having children. And she always wanted to have her children early in life. Today she has a 2-year-old daughter and a second baby on the way. But her path to parenthood didn’t turn out quite as she thought it would.
After a few relationships that didn’t work out and when she still hadn’t found the man of her dreams at age 35, our solo mum started to look into different options. How was it even possible to have children when you’re not in a relationship? She investigated regnbuefamilie.dk (which is a Danish site for rainbow families) and also gave dating a second chance on co-parenting.com. But none of it felt right. She didn’t feel like herself in either options. That’s when her friend suggested to look into using a sperm donor.
“I clearly remember sitting on the floor in my living room with my laptop in front of me, surfing through sperm banks’ catalogues and practically felt like I was dating,” she says with a smile as she remembers that time three years ago when she was 36. “There were many donors to chose from, but the staff impressions from SellmerDiers made the difference for me”, she explains and elaborates: “I really liked the descriptions you had of the donors when you meet them at the clinic. Combined with cute baby pictures, of course,” she adds with a laugh. Our solo mum looked through our selection of donors and found two that she really liked. A descriptive staff impression, baby pictures where she could see the charm of the donor and a good height were decisive factors for her. And finally, it was also important to her that his education in finance and law could compliment her more creative education and talents.
But it was not only factors such as charm, height and education that was important for the solo mum. First of all, and most importantly, it had to be a donor where ID release is a possibility. “I always want to be able to say to my daughter that when she is 18, she can contact him and maybe meet him if he wants to. I don’t want to give her false hopes, of course, but when she is older, I am going to tell her that it is a possibility.” In this regard, it was also important to her that SellmerDiers has a global pregnancy limit. “I also appreciated that you set a maximum pregnancy limit for your donors where ID-release is a possibility. In this way, my donor has a fair possibility to live up to his commitment to potential personal contact with my daughter when time comes,” she says.
At first our solo mum didn’t think it would be crucial to use the same donor again for her second child. But when her daughter Vera was born, she had a change of heart. “When I had Vera, she was just so wonderful. I thought a lot about how I was going to tell her that she is donor-conceived and it became apparent to me that she should have a genetic sibling to take example from and talk to about it on the same terms,” she explains.
Once our solo mum had decided to use sperm donation to get pregnant, it was first and foremost important to her that she could get treatment quickly. She was 36 and therefore went directly to the private health service. She chose our founder Anette Sellmer’s clinic in Copenhagen, where she from the beginning was met with open arms and highly competent staff, who was there for her throughout the IUI treatment. “It was so nice that I wasn’t met by several different practitioners, but that I was treated by Anette Sellmer herself and only her from start to finish,” she says gratefully. Our solo mum is very happy that she chose this clinic, where she had her first child Vera and is now also pregnant with her second child.
Our solo mum has started to share her journey as a solo mum on Instagram where you can follow her if you are in the same situation or if you are considering doing the same thing. “I would just like to show other coming mums in the same situation what it’s like. It’s not a taboo and I want us to have open conversations about it,” she says with a smile. Many people share their journeys on Instagram, both same sex parents, solo parents or couples who need help getting pregnant. You can follow this particular (and incredible) solo mum here.